The Backroom
Tagged "jokes":
Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.
She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a Dolly Parton song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock 'n' roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.
A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, "Asshole!"
The radio switched over to the Rush Limbaugh show
Consider this ...
Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston . After Almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room,but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill
For $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't
Worth $350.00!
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home, I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as he came in the door and saw me, he said, "What's for dinner", Batman
Cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still
Haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started...
My wife walked into the den & asked, "What’s on the TV?" I replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds..
I bought her a scale.
And that's how the fight started...
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started...
Larry died. His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sarah turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Well, I'm sure Larry would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Sarah. "Forty-thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?"
Sarah answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?"
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Sarah. "Forty-thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?"
Sarah answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?"
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice..
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant..
As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, 'Business trip or pleasure?'
She turned, smiled and said, 'Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston '
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
She said, 'You have the biggest penis of all your friends.'