The Backroom
Tagged "Seniors":
FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
A few years ago my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida 's Southeast coast. We are living in the Delray/Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-hachee. There are 3000 lakes in Florida ; only three are real. Most lake names end in hachee something. Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day?
Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem. Your days will be eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of your car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where you parked takes 20 minutes. It takes 1/2 hour on the check-out line in Wal-Mart and 1 hour to return the item the next day.
Let me take you through a typical day. We get up at 5:00 AM, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk and Talk Club. There are about 30 of us and rain or shine we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6 AM.
..followed by gasping for breath and CPR.=2 0 I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the club house lobby for a nice nap ”
Breakfast bickering leads to brawl for elderly couple Wife arrested, remains in jail By Mike Hixenbaugh Rocky Mount Telegram Tuesday, August 18, 2009 An elderly Enfield woman is in jail today after allegedly beating her husband with a frying pan following an argument over breakfast.
Halifax County deputies said the dispute began early on Aug. 14 when 85-year-old James Lewis complained about the meal prepared by his wife, 71-year-old Rosie Lewis. As Rosie Lewis worked to prepare a second breakfast, authorities said, the couple continued to bicker.
The fight escalated when James Lewis drew back his cane to hit his wife. "Mrs. Lewis, at this point, picked up an iron frying pan and hit Mr. Lewis on the head several times, knocking him to the floor and causing a head injury," said Lt. Stevie Salmon. James Lewis was taken to Halifax Regional Medical Center , where he received 50 stitches. He was in good condition, earlier this week, officials said.
Rosie Lewis was charged with assault with a deadly weapon inflicting serious injury and taken to Halifax County Jail, where she remained Tuesday. The suspect will not be allowed to post bond prior to her first court appearance Aug. 26, due to a state law intended to protect victims of domestic abuse from further violence. Authorities did not say what breakfast dish sparked the dispute.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 m.p.h., enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
This could be our future!!
RETIREMENT is DIFFERENT for EVERYONE
One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.
On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.
This time my curiosity got the best of me, & I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.
'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'
'Yes,' she said. 'They 're retired prostitutes, & they're having a yard sale.
One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.
On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.
This time my curiosity got the best of me, & I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.
'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'
'Yes,' she said. 'They 're retired prostitutes, & they're having a yard sale.
I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometimes despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my beautiful loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself.
I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my beautiful loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself.
I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.